I always thought once I would have had my diagnosis I would find a way to advocate for others. For autism. For awareness.
But it’s been almost a year and even though I’m openly talking about how my life is with autism, I feel like I also lost my voice.
Today I had a chance to talk about autism on a friend’s stream. I was grateful but also terrified. I wasn’t prepared for it. I wasn’t even thinking once the subject would come up. I didn’t have the time to prepare myself mentally for questions.
I tried to answer with my heart. I tried to show that I am human too. That my voice can be heard while others cannot.
I felt good and confused. My answers felt not so clear. I was worried to say too much or not enough. To not be clear. Misunderstood.
I am not used to talk about myself in such an intimate way in front of an audience not there for that at the first place. But I did it anyway.
And I’m grateful for this man I do consider as my friend for being there and giving me a space in his world. A chance to share. And also a chance to make it sometimes less dramatic and more positive as well.
Talking is never easy.
I used to be silent for more than half my life and even though I am not ready yet for representing an entire community of amazing souls, I am glad I went through this moment, head high.
Ps: I slept better. Pain almost complicately gone. Life goes on.