This is the first time since I started this blog that I actually use my computer instead of my phone.
It doesn’t change much for me except maybe I can visualize better if what I write is actually readable.
I start to see the light. I took my Ritaline today – ADHD medication for those that don’t know names – and I feel okay. I managed to not get distracted when my alarms went on, I hold myself to my actual plan: Get better.
Of course there are always side effects, of course I feel tired because also today was my son’s birthday and even though there was no “birthday party” (because of the virus), it was a long day. My son is clearly A LOT like his mom and has non-stop energy.
When you don’t have energy to start with, you end up so drained that functioning is an ideal more than a reality.
I love him and hearing him laugh with such a warm heart made my day.
So let’s say I’m the good kind of tired because it was worth it.
I do see something positive coming my way.
I get a bit out of my world to reach others, to help my close friends, to connect.
I am trying without forcing it, I just follow the flow and let it carry me.
I try to show my husband and son they are my world, even if I spend lots of time on my computer, escaping or avoiding, or both.
I try to be there now. Without looking back.
And I still don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I still don’t know where the fuck I am going but I am going anyway.
I want to let less room for questioning and more room for the rest.