Day 4 – The outside world

I was worried today. Because I knew it was my job to go outside to look for something for my son’s birthday.

And since I haven’t been outside for months, I felt lots of anxiety building all morning to the point I had to convince myself that it would be okay.

“You do that for your son”

I kept repeating this sentence in my head as a boost. Somehow it worked.

I was a bit in shock to see how the actual rules work in my town to protect people from the virus. Stores are less crowded. Almost no one in the streets.
I was actually feeling less anxious each minute because somehow I could take my time to breathe.

No loud noises. No stores full of people. No weird smells. No people almost pushing you to pass you on the street.

I know it may sound weird for non autistic people but this part of the rules is how I would be able to handle the world better on daily basis and actually be outside.

I was somehow proud of myself – even though tired – when I came back home.
I woke up in the morning. I did what I had to do. It was okay.

I am trying to see the positive as much as possible since I started this.
I am not trying to convince myself of anything. I am not out of trouble yet, I know I am fragile. I still need time.
But somehow a small progress is a progress.

And I am grateful for that.

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